Talking from my own experiences and the challenges that can arise through navigating the emotions and boundaries set. Walking away from a toxic relationship can leave behind a mix of emotions. There may be anger, confusion, sadness, and sometimes even guilt. When someone has hurt us deeply, it can feel almost impossible to understand why they behaved the way they did. Healing often begins when we start looking at the situation from a place of awareness rather than only pain.

Many times, the way people treat others is connected to how they see themselves. A person who carries deep insecurity, unresolved trauma, or emotional wounds may react to the world through that pain. The way they speak, the way they behave, and the way they treat people around them can be shaped by what they were taught, what they experienced growing up, or how they were treated in the past.

This does not mean that their behavior is acceptable. It simply helps explain why it happens.

When someone has unresolved trauma, they may project their pain onto others without even realizing it. Instead of facing their own wounds, they push those feelings outward. They may criticize, blame, manipulate, or lash out because their own emotions feel overwhelming and confusing. In many cases, they are so consumed by their internal struggles that they are unable to think clearly or respond in a healthy way.

Understanding this can shift the way we view their actions. It does not necessarily mean that they hate us. Sometimes people are simply blinded by their own pain.

At the same time, understanding someone’s pain should never mean excusing harmful behavior. Every person still has a responsibility for the way they treat others. Difficult experiences and a hard life may explain someone’s actions, but they do not justify cruelty, manipulation, or abuse. Everyone has a choice in how they respond to their pain.

Recognizing this balance is important for healing. You can acknowledge that someone may be hurting while also accepting that their behavior toward you was not okay.

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Many people believe forgiveness means pretending nothing happened or allowing someone back into their life. In reality, forgiveness is something much deeper and more personal. It is the decision to release the emotional hold that the pain has on you.

Forgiveness is not about protecting the person who hurt you. It is about protecting your own peace.

Holding on to resentment can feel justified, especially when the pain was real. But over time, that anger can keep you emotionally tied to the very experience you are trying to move past. Forgiveness allows you to loosen that grip and begin focusing on your own healing.

Healing also involves setting boundaries. Forgiving someone does not mean you must continue a relationship with them. Sometimes the healthiest choice is distance. You can forgive someone in your heart while still choosing not to allow them access to your life.

Toxic relationships often teach us painful but important lessons. They show us the importance of self respect, emotional awareness, and boundaries. They help us learn what we will and will not accept in the future.

Healing takes time. Some days will feel lighter than others. There may still be moments when old memories resurface or emotions return. This is a natural part of the process. Healing is not about forgetting what happened. It is about growing beyond it.

When you begin to understand that people’s actions often come from their own unresolved pain, it can soften some of the anger. It creates space for compassion without sacrificing self respect.

In the end, forgiveness is not about them. It is about freeing yourself from the weight of what happened. It is about choosing peace, learning from the experience, and allowing yourself to move forward with a clearer understanding of your worth.

You deserve relationships that are healthy, respectful and safe. Healing and forgiveness are steps toward creating that kind of life for yourself.

-A Young Black Girl