I’m back again with a pt. 2 of ‘The secrets to a healthy relationship’. I know pt. 1 was very helpful for many of my readers, so I know pt. 2 will be too. Pt. 2 has a lot of gems for you to take away and use in your own life. We went a bit deeper in pt. 2 and thought outside the box this time.

So I did a little research of my own and asked 25 women and 25 men what they believed was the secret to a long lasting healthy relationship. Both singles and couples were used to conduct this survey.

Let’s start with the one that came up the most.

1) Team work: We’ve all heard the phrase “teamwork makes the dream work” a relationship is a partnership and a union. So working together is essential to reach a common goal and to get from A to Z. You have to work to help support each other and understand that if your partner wins then you win too. There shouldn’t be any competition between one another. You are a team.

2) Openness to constructive criticism: In order for growth and to evolve together, both parties must be able to give and receive constructive criticism. This is a fundamental part of your personal development as an individual. Being receptive to constructive criticism can help identify key areas of your life that may need change and work. Growing together is important so try to help and support each other along the journey, no one is perfect.

3) Similar morals and principles: Being with someone that shares similar moral and principles can reduce or eliminate arguments because you both manoeuvre in similar ways through life. It’s very hard to change ones morals because this is something that has been instilled in them.

4) Getting along with each other’s family: Although this isn’t always possible, but it is important to have a good relationship with your partners family. It’s also easier when everyone gets along and this means no additional stress and strain in your relationship. Creating a healthy environment for everyone to celebrate your love is not only beautiful but necessary.

5) Leaving your ego and pride behind: The ego and pride can hold you back in multiple ways and be a block by holding your relationship back from growing. It can also cause a lot of problems in your relationships, so being self aware is very important.

6) Compromising: This may be hard for some, but compromising plays a big part because you will have to meet your partner half way a majority of the time. Everything won’t always be how you want it, so remember your partner has wants and needs too.

7) Creating a safe space: This means creating a safe haven for your partner to feel open and comfortable enough to come to you about anything and everything without fear of judgement. Being in a none-judgemental environment is comforting and essential.

8) Having fun: If you’re with someone for a long time you’re going to want to be Able to have fun with them and create memorable moments. No one wants to be in a boring relationship, there is really no point being together if you both can’t have fun together.

9) Sexual intimacy: Sex is an important aspect in any relationship. So it’s important to make time for play and try different things to keep it exciting. You may want to try a sex toy or role play. You and your partner should be able to enjoy your intimate times together and I mean enjoyyyyyyy honey. Sexual intimacy is a great way of bonding and feeling close with your partner, so try not to neglect that area. We all want to be loved up on. Be open to trying and learning new things. Taking the time to learn what your partner likes is important in satisfying each other.

10) Spontaneous moments: You have to keep things exciting and Keep your other half on their toes. Doing spare of the moment things can always spice things. Such as, a last minute date or adventurous day out exploring.

11) Taking accountability: Being with someone that’s accountable for themselves is very reassuring. It not only shows their level of maturity but also their ability to be reliable and it shows you can trust them also.

12) Being present: Being present means showing up for you’re partner when they need you, you have to be playing an active role and not just sitting as a passenger in their life.

13) Showing vulnerability: You have to be emotionally available in order to show vulnerability and that can not always be easy. That’ being said, only enter a relationship once your heart is open and ready to be vulnerable.

14) Actions over words: Practicing acts of service can be received better in most cases, rather than words of affirmation as you are showing your other half you love them rather than just telling them. Words mean nothing if your actions don’t match. You can tell how much someone loves you simply by how they treat you. None the less words of affirmation are just as important but try to also find what your partners love language is too.

Fun fact: A study was conducted by Dr. Schwarzbaum and Sussman, at the Bowling Green State university. The study showed one of the most common reasons for couples to seek counselling was because when one partner wants sex the other does not. Which therefore causes relationships to break down.

In conclusion, I think it’s fair to say Sexual intimacy plays a big part in a healthy relationship.

A young black girls

Rikkisha West

Appreciation: A big thank you to the 50 people that took part in this survey.

If you have been affected by the issues relating to this topic please see below.

Please visit:

Samaritans 

• www.samaritans.org
• If you’re in distress and need support, you can ring Samaritans for free at any time of the day or night.
• Freephone (UK and Republic of Ireland): 116 123 (24 hours)
• Email: jo@samaritans.org

Young Minds Crisis Messenger

• Provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK if you are experiencing a mental health crisis
• If you need urgent help text YM to 85258
• All texts are answered by trained volunteers, with support from experienced clinical supervisors
• Texts are free from EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus.

Papyrus (Prevention of Young Suicide)

• www.papyrus-uk.org
• Confidential advice and support for young people who feel suicidal.
• HOPELineUK: 0800 068 41 41
• Text: 07786 209 697
• Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org 

Step forward 
• Free & confidential services for all young people aged 11-25, living in & around Tower Hamlets, East London
• www.step-forward.org