I always knew the time would come when I would have to relive the terrible pain. I had to be put in a position where only writing could relieve this terror; I finally decided to do what myself and others have told me to do for so long, let my voice be heard they said. I remember a time I went to a hospital appointment and a doctor asked me, “What is it you do?” I replied, ” I study business” he then said, “ Well, you look like you were meant to be famous. You look so creative and unique to not be known” This only stuck with me because I felt that my voice needed to be heard, I needed to be recognized in this world. My aim in life was never to be famous, just to have a fulfilling career. Helping others more in need of my service. Being a young black woman, I am not able to fully have the confidence in myself; as we are ignored by the world. This was a catalyst for me to be more strong and determined in myself.

For a while I’ve been prolonging the idea of creating a blog, I’ve wanted to but never fully had the drive to go through with it but, I’m here now. It was on New Year’s Day 2017 that has gotten me to confront the issue.

I was with my friends having a good time but, there was a guy who would just go a bit overboard; I’m sure my fellow ladies can relate to this. You know, that one guy that feels the need to go to the lengths you couldn’t think someone could; to disrespect, disregard and, dismiss your dignity. Well, at that time being the soberest of the bunch, I was the one looking out for my girls and, telling them be careful, here comes ‘the overboard’ guy who is hunting to dance with so and so trying to grab your bum.

Well where do I start, so I’m minding my own business having a good time, then I suddenly feel someone touch me down in my private area, the shock, the outrage, the disgust!! The fact that someone felt it was right to touch me in such an intimate area, without consent; the same guy that tried it with my other friends that night. Have you ever felt so violated and disrespected? If you have you know the feeling. Adding on to that, it brought back the memories of being sexually abused as a young girl. I’ve never told anyone about this apart from my mother, who at the time it happened said it was my fault, the shame it brought upon me. I then got so defensive as I rightly should but, having all this anger inside of me; feeling entitled to abuse a woman’s dignity, this event only added fuse to the flame.

So back to the party, I then dashed the nearest drink around me on him. I shouted that I would call the police; funny enough people were telling me “No, no, no police.”. Everyone told me to calm down and, my friends attempted to take me outside to get away for a bit but, we all know how apartment parties are like right, “leave and you aren’t coming back in”. This didn’t help as going out would have helped calm me down. So we decided to get our stuff and leave, I then see him behind me (yes the same dirty scum that touched me), in my head thoughts kept going around and around. Should I take the bottle? In this moment I was intoxicated which didn’t so my thought processes wasn’t clear. I picked it up and swung it in the air. The people surrounding me reacted quickly, the bottle disappeared out my hand before any damage could be done, thankfully. After that, you wouldn’t believe most of the people in the party that witnessed my actions were chanting for me to, “Get out!!” I even noticed a guy snapping me while this was happening. This brought back the feeling of confusion and shame when I told my mum but then she blamed me, it was like it was happening all over again. Me picking up that bottle was me defending that little young and defenseless girl, I was enraged and so upset at the fact that they didn’t know what initiated my reaction but, wanted to speak up (they were mostly males), for what? I was then in fact being forced outside of the party, this is where other neighbors came out and asked what has happened, after explaining it to them they were also outraged and disgusted. Other people began to ask as well and they took my side, a few tried to get him out and he then told one of my friends that he was going to beat me up. When I heard, this I was more angered and motivated to challenge him. We then left and this is where I shared my story with a few friends about the time I was molested by my grandma’s husband. This happened when I was only 10/11 years of age.

This sparked a moment where my friends were expressing how they too had known someone or first-hand experienced being sexual abuse at a very young age themselves.

Have you ever experienced this or worse? This isn’t an easy thing to admit to yourself, let alone the world. When in a situation just always remember if you don’t know the full story. Hushh, hush. Don’t be the person to push someone to leave a party or feel bad for their actions. You should remember, you don’t know everyone’s story.

A young black girl